A Gift I Never Knew I Needed

That was Valentine’s Day 2015. Kyle had gotten that bagel when he went into work and sent me that picture.

I imagined that a few people would contact me today since it’s Valentine’s Day and my love isn’t here to celebrate with.  But… I received much more than that.  10 cards, gifts, a song, many prayers, offers to spend time with me, and lots of sweet words. I can’t begin to express what it means to not feel alone today. Thank you.

But let me tell you about one exceptional gift I received today.

“Mom, could you take me to Party City today and let me go in by myself to get something and come right back out?”. This, coming from my sweet son who is scared to go anywhere alone.  “If we decide to go, could Kindall go in with you?” was my reply. He agreed and I forgot it even came up. 6 hours later, “Mom… PUH-LEEEEEEZZZZ take me to Party City. I really need to and I’ll use my own money. It won’t take long. PLEASE.”

I checked the clock, 1 hour until basketball practice. I hand the baby to Gigi and he and I jump in the car.

Thankfully, a parking space was available right in front of the door so I sent him in with instructions about what to do and what not to do. I kept my eyes on the door while he ventured in.  5 minutes later, he walks out with his hand behind his back and opens my car door. He hands me a chocolate rose and says “Happy Valentine’s Day, Mom”.

 

The tears washed through like an ocean wave for the 20th time today. This side of heaven does not get any better than the thoughtful love of my child while in my deepest pain.

The Sunshine isn’t Quite as Bright

One thing I LOVE about my city is that during the cold months of Nov-Feb, we have days that are 75 degrees. The sun shines bright, the kids play outside, we wear shorts and flip flops proudly. My emotional state on sunshine days seems to always be better than cloudy cold days.

But yesterday and today, when the sun shined a bright 75 degrees and I put on a tank top and sandals and took the kids to the park, I enjoyed the sun on my skin but it didn’t feel quite as warm and it didn’t shine quite as bright as I remembered. Summertime was Kyle’s favorite. He loved having long days with the kids outside.

I remember putting my hand to my forehead to block away the bright sun shining in my face while Kyle laid out the picnic blanket at our favorite water springs. I remember the sunburn he got on our honeymoon when his shoulders beamed a sharp red. I can smell the Christmas day trees from our post Christmas treat jog with the kids. And we could go on that jog because it’s never to cold on Christmas day here. How about that ice cold chill we would first get when jumping into swimming pools from the 100 degree concrete?

So now when I reach for my sunglasses, I think about the hundreds of times I teased him for always losing his. Now, when the kids ask to go swimming, I will think about packing Kyle’s trunks and then realize I don’t need to, I don’t get to.  Now, when I step outside and feel the warm sun tingling my shoulders, my thoughts will turn to, “How’s the atmosphere in Heaven, love? Does it change? Do you feel warmth basking in God’s glory? Do you think of me? Because if you do, only fond thoughts, okay? I’m doing just fine down here. Miss you more than my words can express but I’ll try my best to enjoy the sunshine for both of us and give our babies a beautiful summer. For you.”